So anyway, I'm doing this blog thing at the request of all 4 of you that say I should. I also will admit I love to hear people give me props when I say something funny or a tad bit creative. Ironically, that's why I don't write these anymore. On Myspace it was so much easier to feed your ego, because it would tell you how many people read it and they might even give you kudos. But even if they didn't, you had at least some kind of idea of how many people read your stuff. That's pretty much the one thing that Myspace edged out Facebook on, was the blogging thing. Even though Myspace is now pretty much the "Black Mall" of the internet with a Target at one end, like 2 restaurants and a CV's at the other end and 77 vacant stores in the middle.....they still went pretty HARD if you were into writing blogs and feeding your ego. I'm gonna have to slide off here for a minute or digress if you will, I know there have been several million comparisons already made on the intrawebz of the social networks, but I will break it down for all the people I know and love around the world that might read this...
OK, FOR LEESVILLE: Facebook = Stage, Google Plus = I don't know, lets just say Hibbet's Sports for now, and Myspace = Shit, I haven't been to LV in a minute but I'm gonna say Piggly Wiggly(hoping they are still out of business and haven't made a comeback..and why? Because I used to love Piggly Wiggly more than anything and would even tell people from other towns in the area that "you don't even have a Pig Wig bitch!"..but now it's gone. So there's the connection).
FOR CLEVELAND: Facebook = South Park Mall, Google Plus = Crocker Park and Myspace is probably Parmatown. Anyhow, I'll go ahead and wrap this paragraph up and say "I said all that to say this"......I stopped writing blogs because it's damn near impossible to be creative anymore, everything has been thought of and I strongly fear the one thing I have left going for me(hair gone, body gone) so my wits, may be lacking and I don't know if I can face that type of failure. So basically it just took me 47 minutes to explain to the reader that I'm very insecure and Myspace was good times in 2004-06 or 07 in case I lost you.
So that brings me to Shark Week. July 31st marks the beginning of another week where we annually honor natures(arguably) most vicious, conniving predator on the planet. And No, not Ben Roethlisberger stupid, I said "shark week". Anyway, I've always admired them. Even at a young age when I was watching "Jaws" I would imagine how I'd manhandle him with my superior strength and intellect, but how most people probably couldn't if he were to attack you. So in honor of all sharks and this coming week, I've put together a few facts (thanks to my friends over at the Discovery network that I hope to one day work for once I get my British accent down a little better) that you might not know.
FACT 1: You can not out-swim a shark. Sharks can swim anywhere from 22-28 MPH or if you are in Europe, like roughly 35 kilometers per hour. So if you are ever in a situation where a shark is chasing you, you might as well just accept the fact that you can't beat him, but hopefully you can beat the guy or girl swimming next to you.
FACT 3: I was thinking about trying to write this blog without any cursing so that I wouldn't insult any of my 7 or 8 readers and also since I have a daughter and I don't plan on ever letting her know I cuss or did anything bad(and now it's probably on permanent record). But the truth of the matter is, I write like I think and I want to keep it 100 percent real with you. Some people keep it too real. Some people don't keep it real enough. But Mike Hicks keeps it just the perfect amount of real for your ass.
FACT 4: Overfishing can have a dangerous effect on sharks. The whale shark, for example, has to live to be 30 years old before it can reproduce, and its life span lasts betwe...blah blah fucking blobbity blah. That's boring shit. People don't want to know this. So I'll just say that the more you fish, the better the chances are that a shark might jump in your boat and kill the living shit out of you.
FACT 5: From 1580 to 2007, there were a reported 64 fatal Great White shark attacks. That's right, because the other 44 million people that got assassinated by the Great White shark during that time, were alone and too dead to report that the Great White killed them. So these numbers "statistically speaking", are way the fuck off.
FACT 6: Skipping "6" because it's not a lucky number. Really it's the exact opposite of lucky, so yeah...
FACT 7: I saw a shark one time when I was smoking weed with this dude named "Ernie" in Costa Rica. But then I realized I wasn't even near any water and it was just a fat ass guy with a terrible grill. But I mean, if you were swimming with him and it was dark, it would be hard for any of us to know the difference, to be honest.
ERNIE-->
FACT 8: A common myth is that sharks don't attack in the middle of the day. And that may be true — but it's likely because most beach-goers get out of the water to rest or eat at lunchtime, so there aren't as many people around to cross paths with sharks. Sharks don't follow the same three meals-a-day eating schedule as humans, they eat when they find food, no matter what time it is. LOL this is just hilarious to me because I literally copy and pasted this fact from the Discovery Channel's web-site and didn't add anything to it, but after reading it to myself, it sounds like something I'd probably say and not even be serious.
So yeah. Sharks really are pretty dangerous creatures. The funniest thing about sharks though is that when people get attacked by them and they don't die, they always blame themselves instead of the shark. They're all "Oh, it thought I was a baby seal, if it knew I was a human it wouldn't have eaten my right leg, plus I shouldn't have been flopping my arms and legs around in the water, so totally My Bad!"...Such horse shit on so many levels. One, it didn't care who or what you were, you can lie to yourself all you want, but they like killing people just as much as they do umm not people. Also you kind of have to flop your arms and legs around if you want to swim in the fucking ocean with gigantic waves tossing you around like a rag doll. So please stop blaming yourself and try to show some respect to the most masterful, crafty and amazing killers in the world. Don't act like it was a mistake. Sharks don't make mistakes. That's Fact number 9.
DISCLAIMER: OK, so Ernie wasn't really the dude's name in Costa Rica. I honestly never really got his name, but he just walked up on Trent one day and called him Ernie, so we figured we'd call him Ernie back. Also, this is just a warm up, I will come way harder in the future. Unless of course this one is good, then I probably won't. But if it's shitty, I'll do better next time lolz.
One more thing: I wanted desperately to work this picture in, but since nothing remotely similar came up as far as topics go, I still want to post it.....
