Take the redundancy out of the pleasantries....

Home Girl!

(Lots of nervous energy building up for this first College Football Saturday of the season, so there's no better way to burn it off than writing stories on the intrawebz)

Have you ever just walked by someone that you knew as an acquaintance, or maybe you don't know them at all and you just happen to be in an awkward position(i.e. walking by them in a narrow hallway or on a narrow sidewalk) so you make eye contact, smile and say "How are you doing?" Of course you have, we all do this shit on the reg. But when you do it, you don't actually want to know how they are doing. It used to be when you get asked "How are you doing?" in those situations you would just say "Fine, and you?" but now it's become such a redundant question, mother fuckers don't even bother responding. They just keep walking and ignore you pretty much. Or they make it even worse and smile back at you and keep walking and that's like saying "Yeah I'm smiling but go fuck yourself, I don't even know you and I'm not replying to your redundant question either, ass nuts!" SHIT, While we're on the topic, I can redundantly ask you how you're doing in like 6 different languages in case I'm in an awkward situation in a foreign country. I'll post those real quick along with the most racist or stereotypical picture I can find of people that speak that language.

SPANISH:  "Como esta?"

TAGOLOG: "Kumusta Ka?" or "Anong ginagawa no?

ITALIAN: "Come stai facendo?"

GERMAN: "Wie geht es dir?

FRENCH: "Comment le faites-vous?"

ARABIC:  "كيف حالك" naw I'm just playing, but I think it's "Shlonic Sadic?" 

I have like 15 more but this will take forever....

Anyway, the point is we need to find a way to stop this redundancy. Now I can't do it all by myself but if we all work together we can make people think twice before using a redundant pleasantry. We may not be able to stop it altogether, but we can certainly stop people from asking you "how are you doing?" when they really don't give a shit. So here is what you do, the next time you are forced into one of these situations let them ask you, (never be the aggressor in these situations) but as soon as they ask how you are doing, you just stop and tell them. Tell them what a shitty day you are having, or in some weird case where you are having a good day, you can tell them that too. Make sure you cover every detail and don't leave anything out.

EXAMPLE:  "Oh Em Geee you wouldn't believe the day I'm having, so the dog wakes me up at like 5:17 and he doesn't really talk or anything like Wilford on FX does, but I still kind of understand him, you know? Because when you have a pet for long enough you start to understand them. And he was pretty much telling me he had to go take a shit and I was like "What kind of shit, boy?" and he told me in his own way that it was gonna be a bad one. Like the runny kind and he pretty much apologized up front about having to come back in and probably getting that mustard colored shit on my carpet while he's wiping his ass...and when that happens you know you are in for a terrible day lolz. So he's done shitting at like 5:21 and sure enough, mustard colored feces stains are all over my ketchup colored carpet. So I'm like "I'M UP!" I went ahead and started my day by shampooing my carpet. I get done with that at 5:51 and decided I can make it to McDonald's and be one of the first people there when they open at 6. Well I was wrong about that shit. There was already like 14 people in line at the drive thru when I got there, finally at like 6:22 It's my turn to order and right before I tell them I want 2 sausage egg burritos, a hash brown and medium coffee the bitch says "Welcome to McDonald's...(PAUSE)...can I get you a strawberry lemonade?" Then that just totally threw me the fuck off and I was like "No. and Eww! that sounds gross for breakfast." and then I went blank. I forgot what I wanted to order. So then I just improvised and was like "Umm number 3"....Well the number 3 was not what I wanted and I was thinking "Yep, it's because the dog had to take a bad shit, that was an Omen and my day is fucked!" and then..., you guessed it, stuck in traffic on the way home. I finally get there at 7:04 and I barely have time to take a shower and the water is as cold as Eskimo tits. I have an 8 O'clock class and it takes me 49 minutes alone just to find a parking spot and I get stuck at every fucking red light on the way here and I have to walk into class late. Now I'm on my way to my 9 O'clock and you have me stuck here telling you my life story. Thanks Dick!"............ 

And then you look at your watch and take off in a dead sprint. That ought to hold em!(remember when we used to say that shit back in the 90's?)

So, do work. Stop people from saying unnecessary shit that they really don't mean. LSU is about to flash mob Oregon. Straight up focus ass whooping.(a Focus Ass Whooping is when you have already beat the piss out of them, but no one has broken the fight up yet, so you just slow down and take your time squaring up and hitting them in the temple as hard as you can with pinpoint accuracy. Putting as much power as you can into each blow. It's kind of like what Matt Damon did to that guy he knew from Kindagotten in "Good Will Hunting").....

Keeping it realer than your cousin who draws unemployment but still has to act like he's looking for a job so he just goes around job hunting wearing his camouflage hunting clothes and faded ass LSU hat and asks people "Are you hiring?" and when they say no, he's like "OK, but can you sign this so they know I was out trying?" 

Geaux Tigers! Eff the Razorbacks and LOL for putting that shit on Pay Per View.