“Terry, listen to me: do this for the white race. You may be Irish, but they're almost white.” --Johnny Windsor
(I'd say lets get ready to rumble but I'm broke as Rhianna's left orbital bone after Chris Brown went Bobby Brown on her. I can't afford to pay Michael Buffer 10 G's just to say some shit like "Lets get ready to rumble!")....shit, guess I'll find out how famous my blog really is when I get subpoenaed by Michael Buffer for his 10K. That would suck!
So I've never been to a boxing bout match sports contest competition. Oh I've seen a shit ton of fights and even been in a few, unfortunately they were not sanctioned though. Well last night, the 1st fight was between a white gentleman by the name of Brad Sustad from Rogers, AR. He weighed in at like 143 or 145. Pretty much what I weighed in Junior High when I would get in unsanctioned fights on the reg. His opponent: A black fella by the name of Andrew Hartley. I think he weighed in at like 138 maybe 140. I figured these guys being Welterweight or Super Light Weights, this bout would go the distance.
They both came out swinging which was nice, but the black gentleman, “Hartley” caught Whitey with like 3 straight rabbit punches to the grill. The fight was over in 14 seconds. I don't believe I've ever seen such light weight fighters get KO'd so easily. Maybe in UFC, but not boxing. So this was the indicator of what our night was gonna look like. It was gonna suck. I've seen a shit ton of better bouts at McDonald's in Leesville where at least they'd fight for 45 seconds to a minute before either being KO'd or the police would come and ruin everything. BUT I was wrong. It got much better
All the Pre- Intermission fights besides that one I just talked about delivered. These dudes went hard. The best part about all of this was that me and my brother Matt had our first beer together. Ever. I now officially feel like we're brothers because you can't be related to someone until you drink beer with them. FACT! Matt has never been a drinker and quite frankly hates alcohol which is weird considering how much I hate alcohol too, but I like the way it taste. So I taste it. A lot. But props to him for sharing one with me and bonding. The bond we never had. I feel closer to my brother now!
During Intermission I went to get some cocktails and I ran into Tyler King, who is an up and comer and I loved his spirit. I took a pic with him like a fag. “I'm all hey, saw your fight broseph, mind if I get a snapshot of me hugging on your nuts?”...I hate being that guy, but he seemed cool. He lost a very close split decision, where both guys were absolute warriors. So I had respect for him. Hope to see him come up and do big Thangs.
I then went to the bar where they of course were being Jewish with the alcohol. I ordered a double screwdriver and got a quarter screwdriver instead. Then some douche bag asked me if I want a Jager Bomb and I was like, 'Dude, I have an ID. Do I look like I'm in fucking High School?” Stupid fucking bartenders. I want to go back and fight each and every one of them. In fact next week when I'm working out, I'm using those fucking butt holes as my motivation instead of old men that I don't like.
OK, So this is getting pretty long and I want to skip through to the main event. We have a black guy (which is always the safe bet, duh) named Emmanuel “Bull” Wright vs the white Irish Man, Tommy “Concrete” Connelly. My brother made the bet here, I had my choice to pick my fighter and if my guy lost, I have to do the stand-up comedic routine. Well I wanted to pick the black guy, but it just seemed too easy. So I went with my gut. This Irish guy had a name like “Concrete”, that and look at all the beast Irish fighters throughout our history.....
Irish Micky Ward
Irish Terry Conklin
Anyway, I figured I'd go Irish and that way I'll never have to make a fool of myself on a stage.
SO HERE WE GO!
(now of course the actual fighters in this "River Valley Rumble" were so irrelevant, I had to use James "The Grim Reaper" Roper vs Irish Terry Conklin. From the "Great White Hype" Movie, because I could not find the first pic of any of these shit fighters we watched last night. Sorry!)
I actually tried hard to find pics of the real fighters, but I guess they are pretty irrelevant. Oh Well I tried. But as a bonus I have some youtube vids of Bull Wright vs Tommy"Concrete" Connelly.....
This was like Round 2 or towards the end. I could feel my heart stopping at this moment. I once lost a thousand Euros on a roulette table in Amsterdam and I wasn't feeling this sick to my stomach.
Here goes Video 2.
So I apologize, but our battery went dead. Anyway, my dude lost. Of course he did. You never bet on the white guy. Only in fictional movies like Rocky and even in Rocky III if you'd bet against Clubber in the first fight, you would have lost your ass. Well now I have to do a stand-up routine somewhere at my brothers choosing. I have to face this inner battle that's been eating at me for years, but now I guess I'm 32, not getting younger and if I'm successful, it will be good for Sons of Dads.
Oh and since I couldn't show you the Knock Out of the guy that totally fucked me last night, I found the best picture on the intrwawebz of a Black guy knocking the absolute horse fuck out of a white guy to make up for it. Here it goes....And that's pretty much how it ended.
Now for some tid-bits about the fight. We did have VIP seats. That was cool, but I mean this is Fort Smith Arkansas, not Las Vegas. So here are the chicken wings they ordered from hooters that the VIP crowd were privileged enough to get for free. All Class!
This was the last one left after like being there for 5 minutes in the VIP section. Those fat fucks ate that shit like a caveman eating a caribou. "Nobody goes to Hooters for the wings!"--Chris Rock
Oh, and no offense, because I've had friends that worked/work at Hooters. BUT Fuck Hooters! The Chicken Wangs sucked. I wish they just had a place where you could go buy wings and watch football and not get harassed and expected to pay large tips to chicks that half the time don't even look all that great. Oh I know, We'll call it Buffalo Wild Wings.
TRUE STORY: My brother Matt took his 1st drink ever last night. A beer. At 7 PM. He later got pulled over at a check point and got breathalyzed. He blew 0.00000 BUT WOW, the IRONY? The guy takes one freaking drink in his entire life and gets pulled over the same night. Perhaps it's good he doesn't drink like his little brother.
OH, and before I forget.....Pic 1st, then the story.
Matt wanted me to do one of those pictures where you act like you're posing but he's actually trying to capture someone else. Well this guy was the epitome of Dick Bag. Not only do we NOT know who he is, apparently he's a big deal in this sports arena. I think they said he was a former wrassler that didn't even make it to the WWE. So after this, I straight up walked up to him and said, "Hey sir, I'm a huge fan! is it ok if I get a handshake or an autograph, or you know what, my wife would love to take a picture."......Well this dude big leagued the FUCK out of me. He was like "Do you know who I am?" and I was like "Hell Yeah, you're that dude. I've always loved you." and then he told me "Well I'd rather not take a picture, I'm sorry!" and as I walked away I was like "Good, because I'm more famous than you bitch!"......that didn't really happen, but I wanted to say it.
Thanks to my Brother and Sis n Law Lisa for a great night.
"Keeping it realer than a white guy who gets his gums busted before I could sip my Coors light!"
Oh and LOL one more thing, remember my last blog about how I dress like a shit head...busted out the same outfit last night. I keeps it the perfect amount of real. Notice the black button up, some jeans that are like 27 years old and some black shoes. Obama hates me, because I hate Change!
SONS of DADS Production.
Oh, and no offense, because I've had friends that worked/work at Hooters. BUT Fuck Hooters! The Chicken Wangs sucked. I wish they just had a place where you could go buy wings and watch football and not get harassed and expected to pay large tips to chicks that half the time don't even look all that great. Oh I know, We'll call it Buffalo Wild Wings.
TRUE STORY: My brother Matt took his 1st drink ever last night. A beer. At 7 PM. He later got pulled over at a check point and got breathalyzed. He blew 0.00000 BUT WOW, the IRONY? The guy takes one freaking drink in his entire life and gets pulled over the same night. Perhaps it's good he doesn't drink like his little brother.
OH, and before I forget.....Pic 1st, then the story.
Matt wanted me to do one of those pictures where you act like you're posing but he's actually trying to capture someone else. Well this guy was the epitome of Dick Bag. Not only do we NOT know who he is, apparently he's a big deal in this sports arena. I think they said he was a former wrassler that didn't even make it to the WWE. So after this, I straight up walked up to him and said, "Hey sir, I'm a huge fan! is it ok if I get a handshake or an autograph, or you know what, my wife would love to take a picture."......Well this dude big leagued the FUCK out of me. He was like "Do you know who I am?" and I was like "Hell Yeah, you're that dude. I've always loved you." and then he told me "Well I'd rather not take a picture, I'm sorry!" and as I walked away I was like "Good, because I'm more famous than you bitch!"......that didn't really happen, but I wanted to say it.
Thanks to my Brother and Sis n Law Lisa for a great night.
"Keeping it realer than a white guy who gets his gums busted before I could sip my Coors light!"
Oh and LOL one more thing, remember my last blog about how I dress like a shit head...busted out the same outfit last night. I keeps it the perfect amount of real. Notice the black button up, some jeans that are like 27 years old and some black shoes. Obama hates me, because I hate Change!
SONS of DADS Production.
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