No effin way John Travolta is a pillow biter. Dude was Vincent Vega....

"Vincent Vega! My man from Amsterdam."

IMMEDIATE DISCLAIMER: I support the gay community. I think they should get married. All the conservatives that think this is a bad thing and still happen to be secure in their religious beliefs need not worry. Because if they have that much conviction, surely God will not let them into heaven, anyway...(If your strong beliefs are correct I mean). St. Peter will have like a Goal Line Stand sitting there waiting on them to NOT get into heaven if it makes you super conservative ignoramus's feel any better. 

I however am a Christian and only make fun of the gays for lulz (like I make fun of everything/body with no harm intended). But I also don't think we can help who we fall in love with. I know a few legit gay dudes(and girls), I know they had to have been born that way and life was too hard to just be gay for no reason. If they had any ounce of “straight” in them, I'm sure they would have crossed over because their lives would have been that much easier, but they chose to take the road less traveled and with it, they ate a lot of shit (no pun intended). We can't truly bash them, criticize and threaten their way of life and believe for a second, they chose that lifestyle because it was “fun”, “Easy” and “Adventurous.” Gay folks usually happen to be the sweetest people and they all do a lot to help contribute to this society we're living in. Most of them are very successful in their respective lines of work, if they happen to adopt a child, they take way better care of their children than a lot of straight parents I know. In general they are good people and I have to think that God will show mercy on them. I don't know about some of y'alls God, but mine is a forgiving one. You can quote all the bible verses you want to, but you'll never convince me that someone like Jesus who lived the life he led (walking amongst the thugs, but with good hearts to teach them the right way to live and love people), with his teachings of forgiveness, waiting to throw the first stone if you have no sin etc. Could doom someone to hell just because they were born to love someone unconventionally. This also crosses interracial boundaries as well. 

                           DOES THIS SEEM LIKE A DIRECT MESSAGE FROM JESUS?

I'm not gay, and I don't understand how someone can be gay, but that's just it. Just because I don't understand it, doesn't make me anymore right than they are wrong. Shit, I don't understand Advanced Calculus, but that doesn't make it wrong.  If anything, a promiscuous lifestyle is the bigger sin, and a lot of gay people are in very committed relationships. Does some guy that happens to be a straight Christian but bangs chicks on the reg at 2 AM every Friday night when the club is closing (And these are some legit grenades with the herp and hep C) have a better path to heaven than a gay guy that's been committed to his significant other for 5+ years and stays loyal to them? That, and they believe in God and pray every day that they can be forgiven for their transgressions and do the best they can just to live in this crazy world. Because that's what love is. A lot of things in the bible talk about “Love”, there are a few verses that talk about homosexual relations being wrong......but some of those verses I have to question as to when and where they were written in the bible vs timing and agenda. Anyway, I don't hate the homosexuals at all and I hope they don't hate me for keeping it the perfect amount of real and defending yet admitting that I don't understand their lifestyle (and I'm always making gay jokes. Not Tracy Morgan, mean spirited gay jokes, but still, I knock them on the reg). Again, like black/white relations, I wish this was one we could talk/joke about more freely and try to understand both sides. Straights vs Gays have obvious different preferences. I'm not sure either of us are completely evil. And NO the Gays didn't start the AIDS. That got started during like the Bubonic plague and there were a bunch of bird baths and the rats started jumping in there and making sex with the birds and a whole new kind of AIDS started. 

Then one of the rats bit a monkey. The Monkey bit a guy who was trying to pet it (I refuse to believe he was trying to have sex with the monkey. Monkeys are powerful creatures, they'd rip you in shreds before you could bang one of them.) 

Then the guy that got bit.......

made butt secks with a female and then the female shared a dirty needle with a guy who happened to be gay. I think I'd blame drugs and IV drug use more for the AIDS than gay sex. All sex can give you AIDS. So that common misconception of having to be gay and getting it from the anus of another gay dude is just as likely as any other form of sex. We all know that now. I watched a gay documentary the other day and it was fucking gross, but they didn't say any of this, but it's still my theory.

WITH ALL OF THAT BEING SAID: I said all of that to say this.

John Travolta might be gay. But I refuse to believe it. I judge a movie star more on their roles in movies and TV Shows than however or whatever their actual character happens to be in real life. Just because of Phenomenon, Michael, and Saturday Night Fever....I know Travolta is straight. Now that guy Shane from the Walking Dead, 

I hate his fictional character so much, that he could be a member of SEAL Team 6, the actual team that busted Bin Laden's grape, then he could have came home and saved 30 little orphans from a burning house and did an “Awe Shucks” interview afterward and then Tebowe'd after the interview...

I'd still hate him, just because I hated Shane so much on TWD. So if I heard he paid a Masseur 200 bones/per hour to come to his private hotel to rub him down, then offered the masseur a rub n tug as soon as the hour was up: Oh, I'd believe that shit. I'd be like he's definitely gay and not only that, but he's a sexual predator that needs to be locked up ASAP. Because I hate his character on the Walking Dead. 

But since I love Travolta. I call bullshit on him being a pillow biter. No effing way is he gay. I refuse to believe it. You'd have a better chance trying to convince me that Casey Anthony is innocent than to prove that Vincent Vega is a gay sexual predator. Now, although Travolta did say he's done some things in the past that would make most people throw up....I'd have to assume he's talking about “Battlefield Earth” or possibly “Face Off” in that scene where they rip his face off. I did puke in my mouth a little bit. But that has to be what he's referring to. 

“Would you give a guy a foot massage?” lolz

Vincent: And you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?  
Jules: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese? 
Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is. 
Jules: Then what do they call it?  
Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese.
Jules: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?  
Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac. 
Jules: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?
Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King.

Enough of this gay shit. Red is gonna hate me because I'm defending the gay community. But I am a fair person. I try to view shit objectively. As long as a man or woman hasn't pissed me off in a movie, I believe they are innocent until proven guilty. But the minute I stop liking their character, like Clay Morrow from Sons of Anarchy for example. They've shit the bed with me and I'm all about convicting them. Shit, I even gave OJ a break because he was Detective Nordberg in the Naked Gun Movies. At least my priorities are straighter than yours. 

LAST LINE OF BUSINESS:

We had my little sugar bears aka sweetness, aka my everything, aka my lil Mo Mo aka Sir screams a lot, aka My Angel aka just plain ole Mariah's 2^nd B-day celebration on Cinco de Mayo. Everything went terrifically. We were so glad to see all of Melissas Aunts from California that we haven't seen since the summer of 2009 and of course Melissa's parents got to make it in again, which is always good and they have no way of knowing how much we appreciate that drive they make. But I think Mariah is way worth it. 

I can't believe my little butt hole patrol is now 2 years old. I never had a romantic relationship with a girl for more than a year and a half I think and that was a terribly dysfunctional thing that made me hate girls for a long time. Now to think me and Melissa have been married almost 5 years, together for more than 6 and now we have a little girl that's outlasted any other relationship I've ever had with any other female (Besides my Momma). I guess that's normal because I'm her umm daddy. But it sill feels good to be so in love with my little one and my wifey after all this time. Even more so than day one.

I did notice that during the party my senses were extremely heightened. It's like I'm always walking on egg shells now when I'm watching Mariah. You know why? It's because every inanimate object can potentially turn into a complete disaster. I mean it's like every object in the room has the potential to become a scene from a Final Destination Movie. 

I see a crayon. That Crayon then turns into a choking hazard...but she doesn't choke, now I see her throwing it up in the air and it hits the ceiling fan and comes back down at 94 mph narrowly missing her right eyeball. As she's dodging it, she trips over her talking bunny rabbit and falls backwards and falls on her back only missing a plastic butter knife by less than a quarter inch from going through the back of her head. Then as she's laying on the ground, as we're all breathing a sigh of relief, we realize after shampooing the carpet there is a chemical in it that she's highly allergic to and she breaks out into these HUGE fucking hives. None of this happened of course, but that's a microcosm of an example for what goes through your mind when you have a little one. It might happen and it all just starts from the image of a crayon within her reach. This can go for everything in our house. I've never been more paranoid about anything in my life, than I am raising my child. I feel like Mariah is at the most dangerous stage of her life, right now. May God bless us with a few Angels escorting her and let us be always alert when she's setting up that trigger for a catastrophic event. I hope I'm not the only parent that has these fears......but it really does wreck your nerves and make you feel mentally exhausted at the end of every day.

Got to go. Hoping to get more on the comedy here soon. Stress free for the time being and my thoughts are coming back to me. I have a good team to help me spitball some ideas and I'm very excited about working with the Sons of Dads. Tommy is rockin it and once we consolidate our web-site we can really get a feel for what we're trying to do, because we are actually just experimenting and seeing what's gonna work. We're basically just gathering a bunch of shit. Then we're gonna throw it all up against the wall and see what sticks. Should be good times. We do have friends in high places to hopefully help guide us in this new adventure, that's what I'm most excited about. We ain't going at it alone. We're blessed in that aspect.

Thanks for reading!

Keeping it realer than a Scientological closet homo that gets massages in private hotel rooms on the reg and does the ole reverse happy ending on the Masseur. 

Also, RIP to some legends last week. Junior Seau really hurt my heart, dog.

I loved that guy and he was a major inspiration for pretty much all my workouts from 7^th grade through probably my Senior Year of HS. A Saint and Philanthropist off the field, and an absolute beast on it, that played with a ferociousness and non-stop motor that you rarely see now a days. Like a freaking offspring of a Grizzly Bear that made bang bang bang with a Lion and just went ape-shit on the field. One of my first true heroes besides my Dad and Emmitt Smith. It was a truly sad day for me.

AND, MCA was a legit legend. 

 

The craziest most outspoken Beastie Boy for a lot of years and to see some Whiteboys get so much respect in the game from some of the most respected rappers in that genre was phenomenal. They came hard and did what they did with approximately zero fucks given as to what others thought of them, and it worked out beautifully for them. A talented bunch of Jewish/white kids that took the game by storm and even opened doors that helped make that genre what it is today. And in honor of MCA, I just wanted to say I will be dropping a new album under the name Dickey Boy Valentine in the coming months. 

Expect a few club bangers much like Black Eyed Peas shit, but edgier, kind of like Flo Ridah who is also very soft like terry cloth. But I want to be a soft rapper so I don't get shot. WAP 100, do you have my back, playboy? Ima need you when I drop my tracks.

Also, Shout out to my man and former K-State B-ball star Quentin Buchanan. AKA @QBIZZY on Twitter. AKA Petey Wheatstraw. This cat was always a basketball stud and it sucked that he had to leave Leesville at a younger age, because I almost hate to fathom what might have happened had he stayed. LV might have had 3 rings during his years there had he stayed with JJ-Joiner(with the 3 Pointer), (Jeff “long arm” Brown who was the closest thing to Iverson LV ever saw), (Darnell “B'Lacc” Bradley), (Eric “Burger” Woods) (Derek Wright), (Johnie “King” Hearns), (Keith “Butternut” Lawton), (Jerry “Straight up BEAST” Henton), (Dave “that's my dude” Bailey) and a few others I'm sure I'm forgetting . But he succeeded somewhere else and made a name for himself. I'm proud to call him a friend. Follow this dude on Twitter again.......

@QBIZZY! Dude drops mad gems and some funny things on the reg on the Twitter-space. He's a good dude and fun to follow. I appreciate his plugs for me too. We go way back to the ole New Llano days when we'd have war at Adam “Cito” Martins house in the Jr. High days and Q would just dominate all of us, even though he was a year younger. My man! Knew he was gonna rock the NCAA when he got there. He had all the tools at a very young age. OK, enough blow jobs for broseph. But follow my dude! FACT!