Tonight is the Season 2 Finale. If you aren't excited about watching it, you either have no pulse, or you can't afford cable. CHECK THAT: I know a homeless guy, “West Side Sammi from Sri Lanka” and he still finds a way to stream that shit live to his iPad 1, so no excuses.
Oh, but before I get started....FUCK HIDDEN CHRONICLES on Facebook. I don't play that shit. I'm so sick of logging in to FB and seeing my “Notifications” and then I get excited and think people give a shit about me and they commented on posts, pictures or sent me comments and it turns out that 17 of them are of you dicks wanting me to play either hidden chronicles or some other lame shit that I'm not feeling. OK. So stop sending me that shit. I won't delete you, but I will probably hate your guts. I'm just too nice to say it to your face. So you'll never know how much of a dickbag I think you are. But not only do I think this, everyone does. I'm just doing you guys a favor, and not saying negative shit to your face.
OK, enough procrastination and digression. Now for the show......
THE WALKING DEAD: POTENTIAL SURVIVAL %'s
So last week we see Shane continue to be his dickhead self and try to merk Rick for the 3rd time in less than 1 season. Luckily Rick "Doc Holiday'd" his ass with the knife and Shane died. Kind of. Then he wakes up, bum rushing Rick while we're all thinking Carl might kill his daddy for killing Shane (as he's aiming a gun directly at his daddies head) but thank tha lawd he busts Shanes grape instead. Because he became a zombie, and Karl fucking hates Zombies.
So what brought this on? Why did Shane turn into a walker? Is it air born? Did he use the same knife to stab a walker in the head and then use it to cut his hand to lure more zombies in?
All theories are plausible, but I have my own theory. Here it goes....
I think that everyone that's still alive is infected with the zombie bug. It only takes longer for it to metastasize into certain individuals. So far we've seen the prisoner that got his neck broke by Shane's (overzealous, best friends wife, raping ass), turn pretty quickly with zero bites. So this destroys the theory that Shane was infected by the knife. Since the prisoner had his neck snapped, the rest of his body was shutting down, preparing for death. At this time he was at his weakest and the Z-virus overcame him. Same with Shane, he was stabbed and losing a lot of blood thanks to Rick. As soon as he was gasping for his last breaths, he was weak enough for the Z-virus to overcome him. Other than this, they've had to shoot everyone in the head (including Dales dumb ass)...How in the eff did he not hear that wheezing, loud as shit zombie get the drop on him? Well he died, so Daryl did him a favor and tapped him in the head to end it all. Including not becoming a walker. We know that a lot of people have died, but since they weren't disposed of properly(i.e. Having their grape properly busted after they kicked the bucket) they become zombies.
THIS IS MY THEORY: In episode 6, when the group was at the CDC, Jenner(the guy in charge) whispered something in Ricks ear. Some people speculated that Jenner saw Shane trying to ass rape Lori via video cams in the CDC. Others thought since he made them all take a blood test, that he told Rick that Lori was preggers. Since we've pretty much seen Ricks shock to finding out Lori was pregnant (later in season 2) and he didn't kill Shane just after the CDC mess (for going Ben Roethlisberger on his wife). I'm guessing none of those theories are viable. What I do think happened was that he whispered to Rick that, “We all have the virus, but you, Carl and Daryl don't have it. You guys are immune to it.” Keep in mind, he made everyone take a blood test before entering the CDC, so he knows all of their status's. He even knew that Carol is mildly retarded from her blood test results. Her blood test also showed traces of how fucking much I hate her.
WHY: Well because from the jump, Rick caught a few hot ones from those fugitives him and Shane tried to stop (either just before or during the initial day of the Zombie Apocalypse), he was at his weakest for a few weeks in the hospital and he not only didn't become a zombie, but he overcame it, healed up and found the group. Carl got shot by Otis at the beginning of season 2. He was on his death bed, extremely weak...and he survived Zombie free. Daryl caught one of his own arrows (while out looking for Sophia) that was more than likely poisoned by Zombie blood. Then he took a fucking bath in zombie blood and cut off their ears and shit (while he was hallucinating about his brother Merle calling him a pussy lolz). He's still not infected. So I think for sure those 3 are immune and I'm guessing a few others might be but we won't know til season 3 or 47.
So that's my theory so far. I won't bother making too many further predictions because as we all know there is a graphic novel. It has a lot of spoilers although they've done a good job of steering clear from a lot of the comic strip and adding original characters and stories. For example, I don't think Daryl was even in the graphic novel. With all of that being said, this is my power ranking going into tonight when shit is about to get Really Real son. I will base them on predictions as to who might/should live. And those who will more than likely kiss their ass goodbye. Wrote a song about it, like to hear it? Here it go!!!!
RICK GRIMES: Will not die. He's the hero. This would be like if Michael Jordan died before the 1993 NBA Finals. FUCK THAT! Rick is my hero too. I always pictured myself handling shit just like him when the Zombies take over. I'll be humane, but won't hesitate to bust a grape when a bitch gets out of line. Survival %: 100.00
GLENN: Oh this Asian dude better not die. He's like my cousin at this point. Shit, I even have a legit Asian cousin named Glen. So I'm hoping he'll use his wits and make it out of the massacre. Survival %: 88.8
LORI GRIMES: This is what scared me about Rick. Because in the previews I saw this lifeless bloodsucker within 2 feet behind Rick and I was like “NOOOO!!!! Rick, look behind you.” but then I realized Oh, this is only Lori following him. It's actually no zombie at all. I fucking hate this hoe though. She's so fucking retarded. She lets Carl run around the woods with zero supervision and she's constantly giving Shane enough confidence to think she still wants to fuck him. She's the 2nd most hated fictional character ever....just behind Shane for me. I hope she gets bit on her boobie by a 300 lb behemoth of a dead person and while she's dying, she gives birth to a zombie that looks just like Shane. EFF THIS HOE! Survival %: .007
ANDREA: I used to hate her. Stopped hating her. Hated her again when she was banging Shane. Now I feel like she can contribute to the group if she stops being such a punk ass bitch. I know she can shoot better than any woman(although that's not saying a lot)...but if she fires 10 rounds, she's bound to get lucky and kill maybe 2, possibly 3 walkers. Survival %: 68.95
CARL GRIMES: Dude is the prince, although he stays doing retarded shit on the reg. I do think he's immune to the Z-virus so the only way they'll get him is for him to continue to not have any decent parental supervision and they gang bang his ass and rip him to shreds. I doubt that will happen now though since he's become a trigger happy Zombie Killer. Survival %: 99.2
DARYL DIXON: Daryl is my mother fuckin N-word. If I had to pick between hanging out with him or Kenny Powers, I would have to do 10 shots and flip a coin. Only destiny could choose something like this. He's such a bad ass. Tracker, fearless and very smart. I love me some D-Squared(that's what I call him because we gave each other nicknames due to our badassery). But Daryl is also immune to this shit I'm guessing. Add that to his Special Forces like demeanor and he's gonna make it. Survival %: 100.100. If he dies, I quit watching this shit! FACT!
T-DOG: The most racist fucking name ever given to anyone. What a crock of shit. I know the day all of the initial survivors were meeting up Shane asked T-Dog his name and T was like "My name is Terrance” and Shane's racist Georgia ass was like “Oh, u T-Dog, chun.” and T-Dog was like “what the fuck ever, cracka.” He gets the fewest lines, and does the most work. He's like a modern day slave in the Zombie Apocalypse. He reminds me of that guy on Amistad. I like T-Dog though. He keeps it real and does his job better than anyone. I'm really hoping he emerges as a hero in the coming seasons.
Survival %: Not good since he's black, and going off of past horror movies, but if you factor in token black guys I'll give him a 94.5...If he gets killed I'll be mad, but I'll just say that if it comes down to Rick, D-Square or T-Dogg: Audios my African American friend. You will be missed.
CAROL PELETIER: Die bitch die. You are already a zombie. Except you don't eat humans yet.
Survival %: Hopefully negative fucking million. I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, but I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happens to you and only you.
MAGGIE GREENE: I love this chick. She's so ride or die for Glenn. I have a bad feeling about her, but she is easily the most likable female at this point. I feel like either her or Glenn will die. I hate to even choose which one I'd rather it be. But if it's her, I'd be the guy to give her a decent Eugoogaly at her funeral because I like her style. Survival %: Fiddy/Fiddy
EDIT: I picture my wife Melissa being a ride or die chick like Maggie when this shit goes down for real.
HERSHEL GREENE: I like ole Hersh. I think he's gonna make this run vs the Zombie Bull Rush. I like how he says racist shit, but then makes it sound not racist. It's an art form and it's awesome. Hersh also likes himself some cocktails. My kind of guy. I'll give Hershel an 88.7 survival %. Also, he was mad thuggish in the previews for this last episode when he was all, "The-is is mah Faahm Re-ick, I'll Dahh Heah." ...He's like the Grandpa we've always wanted in the Zombie Apocalypse.
If I left a few out (Mostly Hershel's clan. It's because they don't fucking matter) If they die, you'll be like "Wait, who was that? Oh that wasn't Andrea? Oh, cool. Nevermind." All of his kids will probably die...hopefully except for Maggie.
Can't wait for tonight. Come back tomorrow and see how correct I am.
Keeping it realer than Dale before he flipped out about how it's inhumane to kill shitheads and then gets ripped in half by a fucking dead guy!
No comments:
Post a Comment