Oh, you're not getting a Miller Lite?

Well that's the 2nd unmanly thing you've done today?

what was the 1st thing?

Well you broke into those projects in Huntsville and raped everyone lololol ha ha ha ha ha

So many huge problems I have with Miller Lite being the "Manly" drink. I know some pretty cool dudes that drink it but I also happen to know they don't make fun of their effeminate friends for not drinking it. If you want to do a commercial about some Men being Men, have their ass so drunk that they are doing tequila shots off of fat girls belly buttons and then make fun of their friend that's still drinking Miller Lite. But that's just me. 


OK so enough about my beef with that commercial, oh, but one more thing. I fucking hate how the bartenders are so rude and dick-headish about how they treat the guy like complete shit because he doesn't order a Miller Lite. So fucking what? You're a bar tender, you be nice, you make conversations and you might even flirt a little bit if you want a broke ass like me to tip you. But No! You insult everything about me, turn your nose up at me because I'm wearing a dragon jacket or some sun glasses or some shit. Well fuck you and your tip. Hope you had fun making fun of me because that tip jar is getting zero pesos in that bitch.

In fact, I might even find some drunk ass crack head that's been hitting everyone up in the club all night for some percocets or coke, to just straight rob your tip jar for you being such a dick. I also knew a guy that did this once and it wasn't pretty. The bouncers reacted like the dude was trying to kill the President and beat the horse fuck out of him. He walked over to the tip jar, but he limped back to the Police car. It was good times for us though. Anything that happens after 1:30 at a bar and is remotely interesting is pretty cool to watch in my humble opinion.

So now the story I've been promising all of you. I wrote this on myspace some years ago. I call it "Sherondia's True Hollywood Story!" Some of you will love it. Others will be like "Who the fuck is Eric Dickerson?"...Well a quick description would be to say that he was one of the greatest running backs in the history of the NFL. He doesn't get on one of those shows on the NFL network without being ranked in the top 10, normally 5 or sometimes 3.

You had "Sweetness" aka Walter Payton who in my mind is unquestionably number 1. You have to throw in Emmitt Smith simply because of his durability, the fact he broke Payton's all time rushing record and kicked complete ass on Dancing With The Stars, and some may argue that Dickerson is interchangeable with Emmitt or even throw in Barry Sanders even though his career was so short.. Oh and if you're real old school, you'll say Jim Brown which bumps Dickerson down a bit further. Anyway, the year must have been like 72...........I will now describe the hero of my story!

So Sherondia is one of our cooks in Iraq(Actually head cook, in charge of everybody that cooks anything, including people(just kidding)) . I absolutely loved her. We hit it off so well because we both normally worked night shifts and she was always one of the few people I could talk to while doing security checks or whatever. She always made me empanadas or croissants and would tell me a story. Her husband was a Texas Ranger. Not the weak ass baseball kind, but the Chuck Norris kind. I'll use Trivette because he was blacker than Chuck Norris and kicked just about as much ass. 

He'd kick your ass so hard, let you be in the hospital recovering, then he'd send you a picture of how bad he's gonna kick your ass again once you get out of the hospital. Dude was like 6"4" and his stature would tell you "I'm not to be fucked with!" If he would have been a slave in say the 1700's, slavery probably would have ended a lot sooner. Some people just have that quality. I guess that's why him and Sherondia (Moma Ronda as I called her) were such a good fit for each other. Anyway, she was from the hood in Houston. The real hood. The one Scarface talks about and Bushwick Bill would rob pedestrians for their Jordan's and then resale them to the guy they stole them from the next day for 25% off. They hung out with those dudes with Gangster ass nick names like Killin’ boy, pokey, big joe, go-deal, lil lane.(Song reference, 5 points if you get it right!)

I'm pretty sure the Geto Boys did their first single outside Moma Ronda's house and used her as a muse for bad assness. So one night I had a few coronas and it was kind of an off night and Sherondia was outside doing nothing. Really just bored and waiting for me to come tell me a story. We started talking about football and she was like "Mike, you remember Eric Dickerson?" and I was like "Hell Yes!" She said, "Man, I almost had to kill that bitch one time at a track meet in the 70's." She certainly had my ears at this point. I might be a little fuzzy telling this, because she told me in like 2005 or something like that. Well anyway, while she was in High School, she was at a track meet and Eric Dickerson happened to ask her to get up out of her seat.

She politely told him "Yeah, just give me a second." Then he reiterated, something like "bitch, do you know who I am, get the eff up out my seat!"

And now of course people are watching, some laughing, some waiting on drama, you know how it goes. Sherondia then says ""MOTHA FUCKA, Ima kill yo punk ass!" So without Eric Dickerson even knowing, she just went APE SHIT and stabbed him in the face with her cleats. Not some normal ass baseball cleats, but those original track cleats, with fucking platinum Steele on them and she punctured his face with it. CRAZY. That's whats up.

And normally I am not a gullible dude, but she went off the deep end on Eric Dickerson's "Punk Motha Fuckin ass", and I guess I believe her. I mean usually when I hear bullshit here, it's more like "I really work for the CIA" or "I hate to talk about who I had to kill!" but NOPE, she just told me she kicked Eric Dickerson's ass with a CLEAT. How can you not believe that shit? She also said he just backed away and lost his swagger, and bailed out of the situation asap. It's kind of hard to play that shit off, you probably just want to run to the bathroom and make sure your face is still in tact.

I was like "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, I always just thought he had acne, turns out those were cleat holes all over his face. Then I said, but didn't he wear those thick ass goggles? He should have seen the holocaust happen in 1883, how the fuck could he not see that cleat coming at him at like 90 mph?" And her response was "I was too fuckin fast for him, Mike." LOLOL. God I miss Sherondia. Over the course of about 3 years she told me some great stories. Some I'll never repeat (for her sake), but this one she said I could talk about. He's prob too embarrassed to press charges now like 40 years later anyway. 


So that's about all I got. I've got a shit ton of work to start doing nowish concerning my academic future, and I prob won't come up for air til like Saturday or Sunday(Thank God LSU has a bye week). I'm trying to keep pounding these out so that the big wigs that I'm depending on can see that I can keep coming with the material. I've already corresponded with a few others that I won't name until it's official that we're going back and forth with more than just pleasantries. Some of these guys intimidate the hell out of me, but they are no different than me, except already famous, rich, etc. But I have a perspective that maybe they don't have and that's my only weapon. Also much love for Darnell "B-Lack" Bradley aka Da Poet. Dude hustles hard and in this world it's all we have if we want more. There's nothing left for our generation to inherit, so we have to grab it by the balls.  In the mean time I need all you guys to keep posting these links on your page. The more hits I get, the harder it is for these people to ignore me and think I can't obtain an audience. It's a little late in the game for me to go to school for this particular thing, so I'm gonna have to be discovered the old fashioned way.  Please subscribe and keep doing what your doing. I can't stress enough how much I appreciate your support. So help me now, or I might be your nurse and I can't start an IV for shit. When, NOT if my life long dream comes true, I will not forget any of you. FACT! Love all you guys. Everyone on my facebook list I consider more than a friend. Everyone of you I have a unique experience with that we shared a good laugh or maybe even a good cry, but mostly laughs. Please know that.

Keeping it realer than Justin Brown slanging y'all cars like he's Don Ready and winning those salesman of the month trophies like he's Zig Ziegler. Everyday He's Hustlin!