Damn, it's been almost 2 weeks since I posted anything and that was just a remix from something I did a long time ago...and almost a month since I did anything original. Life has been hectic though. School is in full swing, I had 4 tests in 3 days last week and all of them were study worthy, there were no gimmies, like there used to be in Mrs. Kinsinger's class my Sophomore year of HS where me and Greg Burns disrupted her class so bad that we got kicked out for the entire year in like October. She was like "Get the Eff Out! Both of you!" and when we asked her where we should go, she said "Anywhere, just get out of my room!" So we would basically spend second hour walking around the school, hiding out in bathrooms whenever we saw Mr. Clay or Coach Williams or we'd go to play Nintendo with the special needs kids in Mrs. Cryer's room until Greg got in a fight over losing to one of them at Sports Jeopardy and wore out our welcome. But we were still allowed to come into her class on Fridays to take her vocabulary tests (although we had to get out immediately after) and those were the "Gimmies" I referred to. So we still passed with like an A or a B after attending only one month of her classes for the entire year, and like 7 or 8 classes when we had a sub and we were then allowed to hang out in the class we were not only supposed to be in, but were required to.
I look back now and I feel really shitty about how we treated Mrs. Kinsinger. We pretty much (me and Greg) would just talk to each other or blurt shit out about whatever was on our mind, no matter what it was, even while she was teaching. Then she tried to split us up, so he was in one corner on the south side of the room and I was in the other corner on the north side of the room (she set the room up where the desks were facing each other, 15 desks on one side and 15 on the other, like Miss Bliss did on the shitty episodes of the junior high saved by the bell), so then we started our own Mafias. I was Nino Brown from the North Side,
and Greg was Sal Margurito from the South. We pretty much split up both sides of the class into our respective mafias and had our own gang signs and everything. I realize this sounds really unfunny and juvenile when reading it, but you have to believe it was pretty hilarious just because of the reasons I stated, it was so juvenile and really unfunny. She made it where we couldn't talk so we'd always find a way to communicate. I'd pull out my wallet and pretend it was a cell phone (and this was 95, when the only people that had cellies were Zack Morris, single 40 year old dudes perpetrating in the bars like they were rich like your uncle does now and dickhead Hollywood Agents)
and we'd just scream across the room like black people do on their phones at the movies. Then when she shut that method down, we'd open our books and act like they were computers or fax machines(and this was way before AIM Instant Messenger and shit, we were pretty fucking innovative if I do say so myself) and I'd act like I was typing something (from my rigged up lap top)
and Greg would pull out a paper, imitating how a paper does when it comes out of a fax machine and read it out loud. I can't remember some of the things that led up to the final straw exactly, but I know that she did lose total control of us. (I'm not bragging by saying this, but later I will tell you how I know she lost total control). Anyway, if I remember correctly, she was playing a "book on tape" of some Shakespeare shit or something, I think it was Julius Caesar. It was so boring, that we would spend the hour throwing our pencils into the ceiling trying to make them stick. Then we ran out of pencils and would throw pennies. I know we started this, but at some point the entire class was pretty much doing it. Like 2 days before this she noticed like 7 dollars worth of pennies in her ceiling and she asked the entire class who was doing it. Before she finished her sentence I was like "Not me! You blame me for everything!" then she just busted out screaming "I DIDN'T EVEN BLAME YOU" and her tone literally sounded like a fucking dog barking at me and I think she freaked herself out so bad by her sudden outburst of anger that she just dropped it and moved on to something else. So 2 days later, we're listening to the tape, everyone in the room is just throwing all the shit they own at the ceiling trying to get it to stick. She eventually looks up and sees me trying to throw a ball of paper at one of the pencils already stuck in the ceiling. I was trying to knock down my pencil so I'd have something better to throw than a piece of paper up at the ceiling basically. For what it's worth, if she hadn't looked up, my next attempt was gonna be my English book because it was way heavier and I knew I'd knock that fucker down with that. So she looks up, catches me and just completely loses her shit. She pretty much bum rushed me and grabbed me by my ear like Veronica Vaughn did Billy for making fun of the stuttering kid in "Billy Madison."
She marched me to the office, made me dial my moms work number and ask for her, then she jacked the phone out of my hands while I was saying "umm Mom she's about to lie to you about everything, it wasn't me lolz."...She then goes on to explain to my mom what an asshole I am and how I'm robbing all the other kids of an education (yeah right, there wasn't one person in that room that gave a shit and they enjoyed watching me and Greg's shenanigans way more than listening to her psychobabble about God knows what..well maybe this one nerd that used to roll her eyes at us, but she didn't matter), and my Mom was like "OK, well I was in a meeting so I can't talk right now, but I'd be glad to talk to you later concerning the matter", this pissed her off thinking my mom didn't give a shit about what she was saying, so she just hung up the phone (that really pissed my mom off and she wasn't even mad at me then, she was mad at the teacher for being rude and hanging up on her, AWESOME!) and marched me back in the room. We got back in the room and she told me not to say another word or she'd tell Coach Smith about my behavior (which I have no idea why she never went to him for assistance in the first place, had she told him in September that I was a fucking butt hole, I would have been a church mouse for the rest of the year). Once everything is settled down and the entire class just looks surprised that I didn't either get sent home or stabbed in the face, she then proceeds to press play on the old ass tape recorder from the fucking Brady Bunch era
and instead of Julius Caesar resuming where it left off, that Junior Mafia song "Get Money" comes on and it's on the part where lil Kim goes "Grab on your dick as this bitch gets deep, Deeper than the pussy of a bitch six feet." Mrs. Kinsinger just really lost it at that point. She lost it more than when she flipped out on my ear like 20 minutes earlier, or even 2 days before that when she barked at me like a jack russel terrier. This was a different kind of "Lost It." She just got completely quiet and as pale as Michael Jackson when Conrad Murray killed him. Then her hands started to shake like an alcoholic that's in his first 24 hours of sobriety. Then, I just got up and said "I did it!" and of course because I wasn't in the room at the time it happened, it garnered me a cheap, although huge laugh from everyone. I literally kicked her while she was down and my heart broke a little bit (Well not then, but now it does). Then she just gave up. You could see the look in her eyes, it was the same look that Saints fans used to get every October when they were already eliminated from the playoffs. She reaches into her bag for her cigarettes, and HOLY FUCK! those were gone too. One of the other hoodlums in the classroom snatched them while she took me to the office. I'm not gonna say who did it, but his name rhymes with Treg. She left the room quietly and I really don't know where she went. But it was like 20 minutes before the bell rang and she didn't come back.
The next day she was there and as soon as me and Greg showed up. She made a huge spectacle out of us, and that's when she banished us from her room. At first we thought it was cool and hilarious, until we found out how effing hard it is to dodge the laws in the Leesville High School hallways without a hall pass. After all the ducking and dodging I did that year, I felt like what Bin Laden must have felt like since 9/11. The thing I never understood was after that day, she never told any higher authorities on us, never called our parents back and pretty much never said another word to us. At all. We were just forgotten. Out of sight and out of mind. This had to be like the 2nd week in October and we spent the rest of the year thinking this is an odd situation, but we must not be in trouble. Then me and Greg were both going to the Jay Novacek camp that summer and a thing came out in the paper about it that April. She saw us both in the hallway one day and was like "Oh, Congratulations guys, I guess you both aren't losers after all." whatever that meant? About 5 weeks goes by and we took her final the next to last day of school and skipped the entire last day. I can't remember what we did that day, but it was probably like play a scrabble tournament all day and discuss educational shit or something similar. So I get home that night at like 7 to change and take a shower and wash all that scrabble playing residue off of me and I hear my mom on the phone repeating "No way. No way. I can't believe this. I can't believe he'd do this. This isn't how I raised him etc." I ducked into the hallway thinking "Oh Shit!" In my mind I was wondering is this about the time we egged that guys house a few weeks ago and he happened to come outside and started chasing us so we were just pelting him in the face for like 5 minutes with eggs until he quit chasing us? Was this about the time we stole 40's from shoprite but left a few dollars at the door so it wasn't "Technically stealing?" or was it about one of the many million fights we had been into. There were probably another 70 or so options I'm not gonna mention, but I knew it was bad. About an hour later my mom screams at me and tells me "You are not going to Dallas next week, you aren't doing anything all summer. You have embarrassed me for the last time blah blah blah." Then she pretty much regurgitates everything I'd ever done wrong in Mrs. Kinsingers class that year. She spent almost 2 hours talking on the phone, telling her everything we did in her class (some of it I didn't even remember doing, but apparently it was worse than anything I mentioned on here), and other things she heard we were doing outside of school. I couldn't believe it, but I knew it was too good to be true that nothing initially happened to us when we got kicked out of her room in October. I then called Greg up and the same thing had happened to him. Anyway, it was just temporary. I convinced my mom that the lady hated all jocks and she hurt my feelings the first week of school because she called me a retard in front of everyone and I wanted to cry. I flipped the script again and I also feel bad about that now, like 15 years later. But this is how I know I really got to her. I never thought of myself as a bad person that could ruin the life of someone. I just thought I was a mischievous jokester, that was relatively harmless.
Also the next year, Woods had her class and the first day of school he said "Did Mike Hicks used to be in here?" and her response was "Get Out!" and she hated Woods all year just because he was one of my best friends. He didn't even do shit. She was such a hater. And apparently it was illegal to ever say my name in that room again, kind of like in Gangs of New York how Bill the Butcher would kill someone for mentioning the Dead Rabbits.
Sorry this is so long, but I had another episode of kidney stones last night. One of the awesome blessings I inherited from my dad. I couldn't get his height or his strong arm or anything good, but I did get his messed up ass kidneys. So I'm pretty much doing nothing today but watching football and bored out of my mind (like way different than most Saturdays lolz). I was actually gonna do a blog about way more intellectual shit, discussing how I now totally agree with Thomas Hobbes and how he thinks humans are inherently evil and prone to do bad things like Latarian Milton. And after I've been seeing all this shit posted on facebook about "Stop the bullies!" I was kind of doing a self assessment of my life hoping that I've never been a bully. So you got my story about how I pissed off Mrs. Kinsinger instead because it was a combination on Thomas Hobbes theories of me and my bullying memories.
To Mrs. Kinsiger, if you happen to read this. I am very sorry for ruining your life that year. I was very nice to you in the hallways the next 2 years because I felt very guilty that I ruined a whole year of your life and I sincerely hope you forgive me. I can't speak for Greg though because you pissed him off pretty bad by calling his dad. But I'm cool with it because I deserved to umm, uh, well not really get in trouble or anything, but I did get yelled at for 5 minutes by my Mom.
Your Grandpa still watches Porn and erases the history immediately after and acts like he doesn't know shit about computers.
LMAOOO! Damn Mike I feel bad for the teacher! Im surprised she didn't quit!!
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