I never had any FUBU stuff but I did have a cross colors hoodie in like 9-3

And I got a full ride scholly to play wide receiver at DeVry but I hurt my knee playing soccer at the old junior high practice field while I was juking your big cousin Harold. Sometimes I just say irrelevant shit. Often it's untruthful too. I have a mild form of Tourette's Syndrome and I say weird shit just to see how people react. This is to answer some of your questions of "why did he just say that?" So now you know. 

NOW HERE GOES MY BLOG!

Most of you are probably aware that last week was "Shark Week", if you didn't know this then 1.) You obviously don't read my shit and 2.) You're too poor for cable witch is really fucking poor because I know a homeless dude that has Direct TV.  And he has probably the fastest internet connect ever. Ever.

Anyway, what you may not have known was that last week was also "MOB Week" on AMC. It really kind of pisses me off that 2 of my favorite networks(Discovery and AMC) decide to make my 2 favorite things(Sharks and Gangsterism) a weekly special, the same week of the year. Even with DVR this situation can be hard to overcome. We have like 137(not a random number, it's really 137 right now) unwatched movies and shows recorded, if I have to record every Shark Show and Mob movie that comes on during that week, my DVR Box is gonna explode and probably erase a few of my old/classic Saved by the Bell episodes. Well FUCK THAT! Anyway, none of this is important, I'm just complaining. What I'm trying to say is while watching a few of the Mob Movies in between the Shark specials aka "Commercials", it kind of reminded me and made me appreciate a few things about people from NYC and Jersey(Oh and yeah, Jersey Shore came back last week, I swear to God, feast or famine man...all the good shows shoved into last week and now it will be like 2 months before I'm interested in a TV show again besides Football of course)-DIGRESSION- but ok, I said all of that to say this: I love true New Yorkers and New Jerseyumm-uns(I guess). I love the way they talk, how they're passionate about the simplest things(like I am sometimes and I'm not even from New York), most of all I love how they react to questions. I mean, you can ask them a totally legit, viable question with the option of having many good answers, but they'll act like you are asking the dumbest fucking thing ever and there is only one good answer.

EXAMPLE: "Uhh hey Fat Joey, I'm goin to da Subway, do you want me to get you'z a meatball sandwich?" Now at this point "Fat Joey" could say a lot of different things. He could say "No thanks, I'm on a diet"(If he's from San Francisco), or "Naw, I already ate a calzone"(If he's from Chicago), or "I think I'll try that delicious new chicken salad sandwich they've been advertising, yummy! lolz"(If he's a girl) but this is the appropriate response from "Fat Joey" and if "Fat Joey" doesn't answer this way, he's not from NY/NJ and he's certainly not a Mobster...
ME: "Hey Fat Joey, I'm goin to da Subway, do you want me to get you'z a meatball sandwich?"
FAT JOEY:"Do I want you'z to get me a meatball sandwich? What am I gonna do, not let you'z get me a meatball sandwich? Of course I want a meatball sandwich you fuckin mook!" 

                       THEM CHICKEN SALAD SAMMICHES DO GO HARD THOUGH!

It's a simple 3-step process that goes through their mind before answering your question and it applies to everything. Anything you can ask, there's a 99.99999(with a bar over the 9) percent chance the response is gonna happen this way. STEP 1: They repeat your question(just so you can hear how stupid you sounded to them). STEP 2: They act like there is no other reasonable option or alternate answer to your question, and STEP 3: They insult you for asking such a stupid fucking question. It's Money. Like clockwork. It always works out like this and you can even try it if you don't believe me. Go find the most New-Yorkish mother fucker in your office and ask them if they want to go have a drink with you tonight. I can personally guarantee you their answer will be this: "Do I want to go have a drink witchu tonight? What am I gonna do, not go have a drink witchu tonight? Of course I'll go have a drink witchu tonight you fuckin douche-bag!"..... It's always good times.

Another pretty hilarious thing they do is "Tell" you a question. Not ask you a question, but tell you a question. They'll be like "Yo Mikey, you wanna go catch a movie!" and that's it. There is no interrogative intentions whatsoever. They aren't waiting for you to say yes or no, they just told you that you want to go watch a movie with them. Sometimes they'll go one step further and tell you the question and repeat it to themselves just like they do to you when you ask them a dumb question. This is because they just realized that they are asking you a stupid question that only has one answer. "Yo Mikey, you wanna go catch a movie! do you wanna catch a movie, we're going to the fucking movies!"...They pretty much whisper to themselves the middle part(do you wanna catch a movie) because they don't like to call themselves out as much as they like calling you out for asking such a dumb question. Every question is rhetorical with them.

Again, like everything when it comes to stereotypes, there is a tiny margin for error and a chance it won't happen, but more than likely they are gonna talk, ask and answer just like I explained to you. If they don't, then they are lying about being from New York and they only visited there once or twice. I do that shit too sometimes though, like if someone just assumes I'm from Louisiana(which I'm proud of, I just hate when people make assumptions. Only I'm allowed to do that) They'll be like "Oh, I noticed an accent, are you from Louisiana?" and I'm all "No, I'm from California.".............sometimes that will backfire though because they'll be from California too and want to start talking specifics and I can't just say "Umm L.A." or "uhh Anaheim" because they'll start asking what street and shit and then you eventually have to go "Yeah, I'm really from Louisiana. Bitch!" Also it's good times if someone asks you where you're from and you tell them "Antarctica!" It never fails that their reaction will be "WOW, Really? I didn't know anyone lived there?" and you can say "Pfff, yeah, there are a lot of people from there. I had 47 kids in my senior class, but I went to one of the smaller schools." Then you can say "The only bad thing about growing up there is there's not much work after high school, you either have to join the military or work in the ice fields."

So yeah. Try these tricks the next time you run into a New Yorker, a Mobster, or some dickhead that thinks you're ignorant because of your southern accent. Also, if you happen to be living in another state right now and are from Louisiana, always tell them you had to move there because of Katrina(if of course they ask how you ended up living here?) I mean, you don't want to just walk in the gas station and say "Hi, I used to live in Louisiana but I had to leave because of Trina.", then you just look like a retard. But the important thing is that all of us Louisianans have to preserve our stereotypical heritage. We all have pet alligators, we all celebrate Mardi Gras year round, and we all lost our homes during the hurricanes of 2005. Horrrayy for stereotypes!

RECAP: I say random shit. I'm watching NCIS: Los Angeles while I'm posting this and it's very hard to take LL Cool J seriously as a special agent. New Yorkers are awesome. So are stereotypes. The dude in the picture I posted after the "New Yorker telling you you're going to a movie bit", his name is Joey Batt's lolz. Some good gangster names that I can think up off the top of my head and I've never seen them used in the movies are "Joey Knuckles", "Jimmy Diamonds", "Sal Margarito(It's what I used to call Greg Burns and he called me Nino when we would act like Mobsters in Mrs. Kinsingers class our soph year)", "Eddie the Rat" and "Franky Fuhgetaboutit". And if you're from Louisiana, you own an alligator.

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