Uh, Hi! My name is CT and I'm here to kill you!

Just sitting here at the Wal-Marks having some work done on my Impala. I'm actually having some 20 inch blades put on and while they're doing that I'm having my oil filter changed and probably some CD's stolen. Either that or they're laughing at me because I still have CD's in my car. Anyway, I'm just sitting here wondering if the rest of the world is as pissed off as I am that we have to wait another week to see CT murder Johnny Bananas and Tyler in the Jungle. 

QUICK FUN FACT: When Axel Rose wrote "Welcome to the Jungle" back in like 1986, he was smoking sherms and having a vision of CT committing a hate crime on Johnny Bananas and Tyler in the year 2011 in a jungle in South America. It was what truly inspired him to write one of the best rock songs ever written. That's why the beat goes so hard and also why it makes you want to pistol whip your grandma when you listen to it. 

OK, so here goes a quick assessment of the respective teams and predictions for the last 2 episodes of the Real World/Road Rules RIVALS Challenge 2011 aka "The Jungle!"

GIRLS......

Evelyn/Paula: Straight Beasts! Clearly the frontrunners for the females. Won the last 2 challenges for the females etc. I did think Paula was part dude until she bitched up last night and started helping that Leprechaun Wes gang bang Cara Maria. I did LOL when Wes poured the Coke on her, but thought it was a bitch move when Paula jumped in for apparently no reason. It's like when 2 great whites have to attack a wounded dolphin. One shark was more than enough. It's called overkill. Brings me to..........

Cara Maria/Laurel: I thought Paula was part man, I know for a fact Laurel is. I was praying for her to go toe to toe with Wes last night. We have Laurel in one corner at about 6"5" 220 and Wes in the other at like 5"2" 175. It would have been good times. Cara Maria really bores me with her negativity. Always being picked on, "everybody hates me nobody loves me blah blah blah"(read that last sentence to yourself in the Eor from Winnie the Pooh voice). But yeah, I do feel bad for her now. She's been the whipping boy for too long and props to Laurel for finally getting Roid Rage and stepping up for her pardner. I got them ranked just slightly behind Ev and Paula. Mostly because Cara Maria is like 140 lbs of dead weight. 

Jenn/Mandi: I Saw Jenn getting an IV for next weeks episode, so I'm guessing they're done since Mandi is ridiculously terrible. True Story: The first few weeks I was watching the challenge I was just assuming that Mandi was Heidi from "The Hills", then I realized "hey, the hills aren't a real world show and that's def not her." I'm a tard. But in my defense, she certainly does look like Heidi and she's about as useless. I do know that if Jenn asked Adam to marry her right now, he'd leave CT and Kenny/Wes would win by default. If "Da Mob" really wants to make a play, that's what they'd do. 

THE GUYS..........

CT/Adam: My favorite tandem from the jump. True rivals. A lot of these people aren't enemies, but Adam came into the show hating CT like I do Alabama. And I can relate to CT because I guess you could say we both have short fuses and he lost someone really close to him just before he almost killed Adam in the first 5 minutes of a challenge about 3 years ago. When you lose a brother or a best friend, you lose an outlet and a place you can go to vent. A lot of that anger will build up and eventually you just want to start smashing peoples heads. You might even catch yourself opening your car door and walking towards a vehicle at the green light in front of you with a handicapped sticker, trying to kick in their windows because, you know, IT'S A GREEN FUCKING LIGHT and they are still sitting there, not moving. The slightest things can set you off. Well CT seems to be in a happy place now and having a lot of fun intimidating the hell out of the competition. I think I once compared it to "The Lion King" and CT is Mufassa and everyone else are the Hyenas voiced by Whoopi Gholdberg. 

I also hate how MTV always does this cliffhanger shit within the last 3 episodes. Last week they showed CT pretty much gay bashing Tyler and Johnny Bananas, simultaneously. It appeared that both of them are now dead and MTV wants us to wait another week for a confirmation. GOD I hope when we actually do see it, CT will go Alvin Fucking Mack on them, then immediately walk over to Adam and go "Are we friends yet?"

Bananas/Tyler: Straight up Sissies. In London they are called "Tits" or "Wankers". Like seriously, some British dude will be like "You fecking Tit!" whenever addressing them.  Tyler has been a pretty tough gay dude for most of the season and did a lot to show that the stereotype of gay guys being "Girly" wasn't true at all.....until last night. CT scared the gayness back into him. So we get to see a 30 minute rant from Tyler, blaming everyone for sending him into the Jungle with Mufassa. Can't blame him. I know if I was about to die, I'd probably go off on everyone too. Oh and yeah, I really hate Johnny Bananas. 

Leroy/MikeMike: The dark horses. If punk ass Adam(The biggest drug dealer in Nantucket) was still around, Leroy would have been gone in week 2. But since they brought in his friend Mike(pretty unfair considering the show is called "Rivals"), they've quietly wrecked shop, stayed under the radar and won whenever they had to, aka last night. Looks like they are gonna walk unnoticed into the end zone while "Da Mob" keeps pissing their panties over CT. Leroy is a beast and might be the only legit competition for CT if it came down to man vs man. If it comes down to who has the lightest backpack, CT is gonna win. Oh and Leroy is easily the coolest RW cast member ever. Ever. 

Wes/Kenny: Straight up Sissies. In London they are called "Tits" or "Wankers" lolz...I love watching Wes flex on the weak people then bitch up whenever CT is circling the area. Most Gingers possess a certain kind of strength. They are normally very quiet people, basically a ticking time bomb. A sleeping giant if you will. But Wes is not that. He's certainly no giant(but a leprechaun) and he talks way too fucking much. I also hate how he talks just like Owen Wilson, but he has no reason to, because he's never had his nose cut off and reattached. Wes is one of the stronger competitors, but I just can't respect a guy that fears another man so badly. And Kenny is way weaker than Wes. If it comes down to Wes vs CT, Wes will have already lost because it takes about 42 seconds to piss yourself, in the meantime CT will be "Working" him.

I have CT and Adam winning it all.