Seems like every time I see this dude, the damn guy is shuffling.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that every day he shuffles. 


If there is one thing I know, it's definitely shuffling. Sometimes you just have to shuffle, I don't know. But it's important that you shuffle properly. Maybe perhaps consult your physician before starting any new shuffling programs.

Anyway, yesterday was a terribly shitty day. In retrospect it wasn't even all that bad once you put it all in perspective, but every crisis seems like the apocalypse while it's happening. Mariah has been breaking out with what looks like chicken pox or something. We just got her vaccine for that about a month ago. The Doctor we take her to is a complete idiot(I won't use "Retard" this time, because he may be a legit retard and I'll go to hell for saying that) I don't know why we still use him, I guess because I hate change maybe? But I think we're gonna start yellow paging new Pediatric guys. This dude always gives us a lecture the first 10 minutes of the visit and makes sure we know how to use a car seat, makes sure that we don't keep any loaded weapons in the house that aren't locked up and he stresses the next 10 minutes how important it is that children DO NOT JUMP ON TRAMPOLINES! He's done this same shtick since Mariah was like 5 months old. I looked him in the eye before Mariah could even crawl and told him "I promise I won't let her jump on a trampoline when we get her home!"...So he usually spends 20 or more minutes telling me and Melissa how to be a parent that doesn't put their babies in the oven for time out, or feed them their own shit for breakfast, then he looks at Mariah for 2 seconds and says "Oh, she looks ok." Yesterday I was very concerned about why my daughter looks like Freddy Krueger from the waist down, and he was all like "Oh, umm I'm not sure, let me go check something on the internet real fast"................brings me to the rest of my story.

About 6 days from today, I start back to school. I'm not bragging but last semester I copped a 4 pernt O. Wait, I am bragging actually. It's a good and a bad thing though. It's good because it was a 4.0, it's bad because it's just another indicator of how fucking lazy I've been most of my life. I mean you absolutely have to challenge me or you'll get no response. Tell me I'm slow and I'll do like 200 sprints every day until I get your respect, tell me I'm getting fat and I'll go on a zero calorie diet for 3 months until I look like Skeletor. But I really have to feel challenged. You can't just walk up to me and be like "lol you got fat lol" or I'll just tell you to go Eff yourself. But you have to really make it hurt, you have to say "Damn Mike, you got fat as shit!" That's how I respond to criticism. I just go into my room and quietly make a plan not to see you ever again, until I'm skinnier than you. Same with school. Someone I was talking to a while back was asking me what I was going back to school for etc.., and they said "what was your GPA the last time you were in school?" After I told them they made me feel legitimately retarded(Like our doctor). So I challenged myself to 4-point-Oh that bitch. So now I guess I'm just asking one of you to call me an idiot again so that I can repeat the cycle.

Anyway, I'm changing my major. I'm gonna get in the medical field because there is way more job security in medicine than there is in teaching(which is pretty sad). But I can be a shitty Nurse or Doctor and stay employed way longer than if I'm a bad teacher or better yet, a terrible coach. If you want to coach you get zero margin for error and you'll be pink slipped by Saturday afternoon if you lose on Friday night. But you can kill like 14 people in a hospital and get probation and 2 weeks paid leave while they blame someone else for you killing everyone. It's damn near fool proof. Plus I grew up in a hospital. My dad was on his death bed since I was like 10 and a half. He just always bounced back, like one of those Japanese fighting fish, you'll come home and find them out of the bowl for God knows how long, and scoop them up, throw them back in the water and they'll start doing back flips and shit. That's my dad. But I learned a lot just by default. I could probably pass a college level medical terminology class when I was 13. One time when I was in Iraq with a kidney stone, I had to give myself an IV because this fucking butt hole tried and missed like 17 times. I think it might just be one of those things I have a knack for so I'm gonna pursue it. Maybe one day you'll get real sick and I'll take out your pancreas instead of your appendix and be like "Whoops, see you in 2 weeks homes!"

If you can use Google, you can be a doctor. Mariah will be fine, it just sucks seeing your babies miserable. Also God is always listening, just thought I'd throw that out there. Yesterday a lot of things were going on(not just with my baby girl) and as a man, you want to feel like you have it all under control. The fact is none of us really do. Sometimes you have to humble yourself and ask God to help you out. Not trying to get too religious here or anything, but Jesus died next to a thug on the cross and since he(the Gangster) believed, he got into heaven. So if some of y'all are feeling like complete shit this week or anytime really, don't forget you haven't done anything in your life that God won't forgive you for and take on some of your pain. 

Next one won't be so serious. I just do this like once a week or so. More LOLz to come....later.