If a girl is still wearing a "Dora the Explorer" back pack. She's too young for you bro!

And I know the guy that shot Bin Laden better than you do. He drives a 1993 Cutlass Supreme and has a tight fade. He never puts neosporin on his war wounds either. His grandma is way harder than any of yours.

I swear man, people always have to one up you. You tell them you got a Christmas bonus, and they'll tell you they got a trip to Hawaii instead. Their joke is always funnier before church too. You know why? Because you are trying to show respect and you tell a joke without curse words and they go and drop the F-bomb just before it's time to be seated. And the whole time during the sermon they're staring at you with that look like "you can't top that bitch!". You like your beat down low, they like their beat down lower. Top let back? Oh, he did that before you, homie. And I'll be honest, there are people that love to one up you and do it all the time, but all of us try to one up each other at one time or another in our life. Pretty much everyday I try to one up your facebook status. So now you know!

Jersey Shore is getting pretty terrible now. I knew it had to lose it's magic eventually so I'm not real disappointed. Single Ronnie was pretty funny for like 5 minutes, now I just feel bad for him. Trust me, when dudes are built like him, they get extra sweaty and their breath smells terrible after they get on that sauce for more than about 2 hours. Last night it looked like he came home from the club and started smashing some poultry products that were half cooked and tried to kill the salmonella bacteria with some balsamic vinegar.(but I mean, I used to throw eggs in the microwave with no plate or anything and cook them for 12 seconds when I'd get home from Las Margaritas at like 2:20 am, so I see where he's coming from)...but he's a terrible, sloppy drunk. You'd think Sammi would be turned off by that, but instead she's trying to get between him and his chicken the entire time while he's slobbering balsamic vinegar all over the side of his left cheek like a fucking zombie in the middle of a feeding frenzy the first 10 minutes of the Zombie Apocalypse. 

Disgusting. Also I hate how he pronounces "Snookie" and calls her "Shhnookie". There's no H in there and if there was, it would be silent this particular time. Overall I like Ronnie though. But pretty much I only watch Jersey Shore now to hear Pauly D say funny shit. Also I love watching Vinnie follow Pauly D around like a puppy. Vinnie is such a poser. I remember when he showed up in Miami with a brand new tat(straight out of the front of the tribal arm-band book at the tattoo parlor, he just saw the picture and was like "I gotz to get that one broski!"), so I enjoy watching him be a follower every episode. That's about it. No way they squeeze another year out of this. Give Pauly D his show and let him shine solo. Do the right thing MTV. Doing the right things are always important. 

Have a good weekend. I'm about to take my family to the water park and get pissed on by like 200 people at the same time, and pretty much hate on everyone that walks past me thinking to myself "He's got man-titayyys or his beer gut is like 4 lbs heavier than mine lolz". One of you are reading this saying to yourself "200? I got 300 golden showers just yesterday!" Also, if you want to stay one-upped on the reg, just keep posting on your respective "You know you're from somewhere if you remember doing this shit....???" on facebook. Oh, remember the piggly wiggly? "Yeah bitch! except I remember it better!" 

You never wash your swim trunks and towel after you go swimming. You just hang them up over the shower til the next time. And I do it better!