No bruh, you can just keep it now.

It doesn't fit me now, anyway. Because it was 93 when I let you hold it. 

Yo Deebo, can I talk to you for a second? Pop's trippin man. He wants me to ask for my bike back. You know I wouldn't trip, ....."What Bike?" The Beach Cruiser, the one I let you use. The one I've been asking you about.... "OH, that bike! I didn't know you wanted it back homie!" ...Yeah, it's just like, it's both of ours, but we'll just keep it down at my house. 

Never. EVER EVER EVER. Let your friends borrow your shit. Everything I ever loaned out, I never got it back. I've bought 7 Master P "The Ice Cream Man" CD's because I kept letting fucking butt holes borrow it thinking "Oh, this time he'll give it back after he records it. lolz" But it never happens.

I was just watching a commercial yesterday afternoon and I saw a guy wearing a Polo shirt that I swear I used to own. Shit, it may have even been my actual shirt because you know how you let someone borrow your shirt and they loan it out the next day after they sweat all over it because they don't feel like washing it. Then the cycle continues. Anyway, it was probably my favorite shirt I ever had. It fit me perfectly. It's like once in a lifetime you find a pair of jeans and a shirt that fit you just right. It makes your chest look swole and your biceps look perfectly defined(the sleeve just rides your bicep naturally so you don't have to look like you're showing off your guns on purpose). You would wear it everyday if you could, but you know you'll get made fun of. HARD.(But you can wear the same jeans everyday as long as there are no holes because no one notices and if they do they probably like penis more than your girlfriend does.)..but you have to be cool with the shirt. You have to time it out just right so that you wear it on Monday and you'll have to wait until at least next Tuesday before you wear it again(maybe even Wednesday), eventually you'll get called out after the ole "8 day delay" and you'll catch yourself arguing like "Bitch, I swear I haven't wore this shirt in a month" or, "This isn't even the same shirt dick-head!" So you do have to be careful with that. Well if you love a shirt like that, never let your friend borrow it, not even if he's your roommate. Especially if he's your roommate because then you'll just let him keep it in his closet and feel like "Well hey, it's still in my house. Kind of." and you'll never nut up and ask for it back.


There was something funny I was gonna write about today, but I totally forgot. It's scary how I forget shit like that. I mean it wasn't like it was something unimportant like when old people talk to you and you just nod and smile because you really don't give an eff about what they are saying, and later your wife is like "So what was the old man talking about?" and you're all like "Hunh? what old man?"..This shit is serious because it was a real topic, something I was plotting and thinking about and all of the sudden it just disappears and maybe if I'm lucky, it will come back to me in November while I'm getting a tight fade. I really need some NZT-48. 

And if I had it I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even have to make a movie about me because I would have already outsmarted the Russian Mob and Robert DeNiro like 8 minutes into it. I was also pissed off how he could use 100% of his brain, but they never showed him bending any spoons. I would fucking pick up cars with my mind like Magneto and shit if I could score some Nizit. Nizit is what it's called on the streets. Oh and True Story: Speaking of using your mind to do shit, I once locked myself in a closet for 6 hours trying to produce lighting out of my hands after I watched "Big Trouble In Little China" for the first time. If you don't believe me you can ask my cousin. So that's probably what I'd do with my time if I scored some Nizit. I wouldn't waste my days playing with the stock markets or writing a book. I'd learn how to electrocute people and ride lighting and shit. That's where the money is. 

Today I'm supposed to hate on everything. Friday is typically my "hater day"...but I'm feeling rather chipper this morning and just felt like keeping it the perfect amount of real for you instead of making up some shit that I don't like. I did hate a little bit on some things, but I didn't over hate like I intend on doing most Fridays. And Jersey Shore rebounded hard last night. Ronnie imitating Sitch on the phone was very hilarious. Pauly D and Poser Vinnie clowning Ronnie for wearing all black after him and Sammi got back together was very hilarious. The previews for next week when Ronnie knocks out Mike are very hilarious. Maybe I was wrong about the fall off. 

Peace. Have a good weekend! 

Now excuse me while I go flash mob a KFC and not even pay for it like we used to do when Keith worked there on Post.