This one might be a little more serious than usual........

Because I'm taking issue with things that I wish would change and in turn, become more acceptable for all of us.

First, I really don't appreciate the fact that the word "Retard" has been made even more taboo in recent weeks. Like the whole public service announcement about not saying "That's Gay", now that PSA is aimed at not being allowed to say "Retard." People have to understand that there are exceptions to every rule. Everything has a gray area and you have to be able to determine when and where that gray area is. (By the way, I damn near just had a panic attack about not knowing if the color "Gray" is spelled with an A or an E) but.....like me and J-Scoggs were talking about a few weeks ago, some people just don't get "IT!"/ "IT" is pretty much what life is about. It's being able to understand sarcasm. It's being able to laugh at yourself. It's being able to not take life so seriously and learning how to read people. Some people have all the book-smarts in the world, maintain a 4.0 all through High School and College but still water their fake plants and ask questions like "How long is Shark Week?" That's when it's OK to call them "Retarded." You never, ever ever ever laugh publicly or make fun of a person with a debilitating disease or congenital birth defect that makes them mentally slower than the average person on the reg. That's not cool at all, not accepted by anyone with morals, pretty much agreed on by all of society and I'm sure frowned upon by God.
LIKE THIS FELLA....

But when it's someone who knows better, has no excuse but still does very stupid shit, you, nor anyone else should have any problem with calling them any form of retard i.e. "tard", "Fuck-tard", "O-tard", "Saint-tard", "dumb-tard", "douche-tard" etc... also you can be more creative and call them "Waterhead" or "Mongoloid."

The bottom line for me is, if we as a society are at the point now where we can't make fun of our friends with certain insults because a few people get offended too easily, I don't really want to be a part of this society anymore. And as far as I'm concerned, the only people that do have a problem with it, just don't get "IT." People that don't get "IT" might use this as an excuse, "Well I have a family member that's retarded" or "What if you had a retarded son or daughter, would it still be funny to you to use that word?" My answer: Absolutely still funny to use that word, WHEN IT APPLIES TO AN APPROPRIATE CASE! I'm not making fun of your cousin that has down-syndrome and I certainly don't want my next child to have any form of a disability, but none of that changes the fact that when you drink too much and shit your pants in public or something, it's perfectly acceptable to laugh at you and call you a "Mongoloid." Ironically, there are a lot of kids with down-syndrome that understand this better than some over-sensitive people in the world and probably think those people are in fact,"Retarded."

Remember how those Special Olympics cats mobbed up Johnny Knoxville in "The Ringer"??? They call oversensitive dumb people "Tards", FACT!  

Next is something that's way more of an issue to people across the board and it's something that's made the world uncomfortable in a lot of situations that probably didn't even have to be and it's Race. I'm sick of people being offended for being made fun of for their race. I myself, as a white male realize most of us can't dance unless we're gay, we don't run as fast as black people(although again, there are gray areas but generally we don't), we damn sure don't dunk as good as black dudes, even if we're 7 ft tall crackers like Dirk Nowitzki, although it's not real  impressive for anyone taller than 6"9 to dunk really. I'm not mad when I see an unfunny black comedian on Comic View talk in a nerd voice whenever he describes an interaction with a white guy. In fact I'm the opposite of mad because I do appreciate a good stereotype. Stereotypes are the best and purest forms of comedy. A stereotype is pretty much the reason why we have the definition of "Gray Area" because it means certain rules apply to the majority of your group or race but like everything, there are exceptions. Some Asian Women do drive pretty well(My Wife). Some Asians(My Wife) are terrible at math. Some Mexicans hate tacos(although I don't understand why, nor do I actually know any Mexicans that do, but I'm assuming out of all the Mexicans in the world, there has to be one with a shit ton of acid reflux or something). Some Indian people(from India, not South Dakota) don't work at 7-Eleven. Some black guys play basketball like shit.
Like the Dude from "Soul Man"(RACIST MOVIE of the 80's but with a heartfelt message and a very hot Rae Dawn Chong.)

Some white people enjoy malt liquor etc..
The guy on the far left for sure does.... 

But to me, there is nothing funnier than making a simple, obvious observation about something and exploiting the humor in it. Race just happens to be the one thing where this comes into play more than ever. This is why I only surround myself with people that understand racism is hilarious now in 2011. It wasn't funny back in 1964, but now it is pretty funny. The reason it's funny is because if someone is a "True Racist" then they are pretty backwards and can be considered a "Retard".......

.........and we can make fun of them for that. If they aren't racist and they make a racist observation, the people that happen to get "IT" are intelligent enough to not take it too seriously and laugh about it. So now racism is Win/Win. I do know that unfortunately(even now in 2011) some people still actually do try to hold someone down or back because they have a different skin color, but I also try to put as much distance between them and myself as I do people that won't laugh at racism. I have a core group of friends that I consider family more than anything. Out of this core group(most of course are Filipino because that's my family but even if they weren't I'd still love them now like Nate, JR, Glen, Damian and the rest of the cuzzins), I'm very close to a few black dudes(Keith Lawton, Marquis Johnson, Patrick Hodges and JJ Joiner to name a few), an Iraqi(Younan "Jonathan" the Barbarian), a skinny ass Puerto Rican(Adam Martin), a part Colombian dude that's hilarious as hell(Harvey Werner) shit tons of white people like Scoggs, Skin, Driscoll Brothers, Woods, Smitty, Clayboy, J-Self, Nash, Dustin Shidla, Garrison(just naming them because they like to see their name in public and I'm gonna fill a pillowcase full of soap and beat the shit out of Woods and Garrison) and a British guy named Marcus who technically is white, yeah, but very different than me because he's you know, British. The one common denominator with all of us is that I can make fun of any of them at any time for any reason including their race and they will laugh. HARD. I too will also laugh at them for cracking jokes on me because it's all love. This is where we should have evolved in the last 2 decades. The only one that will get offended will probably be Woods because he's very soft like terry cloth. But even then he laughs it off real fast and I think it's just part of our game. We try to make each other feel the shittiest about where we are now in life and how successful we aren't or at least if we're less successful than our best friends. That's what homeboys do. We knock each other hard, but always have each others backs...and pick each other up when we see the joke went too far. Again, it's all love. Like brothers fighting and not mortal enemies. We all need to be more like Danny Williamson, he's like the President of the new world order, dude has more friends of every shape and color than anyone I know. If we all think like Danny Boy, the world will be good by like 2028 or so. And that's another reason why it hurts so bad to lose Trent Vinson because he was a warrior in the fight on "hating people for no reason."

One of the many million reasons I married Melissa is because she gets "IT." She is very understanding and great at not taking herself too seriously. If you aren't like this, than I'm sorry, I can't be your friend and you don't go hard at all. 

Ultimately we all have flaws. That's what we all have in common regardless of race. Embracing those flaws as people and judging a man or woman's character(before looking at the color of their skin) is what allows us to get to the level where we can eventually make fun of someone for the umm color of their skin. Keith used to be so black that he made his black shoes look brown...but now he's gotten much lighter over the years for some reason. I mean he's still black, but not like Wesley Snipes black like he used to seem to be. I think the dream MLK had was about us not only being able to co-exist, but to be able to co-exist and like it. A lot of us are there, some have a long way to go. But I have a dream that one day mine and all of my friends kids will be able to sit at a dinner table together and make fun of each other because of our/their differences and no one will get sand in their vagina because of it. 

 Oh before I go, the funniest joke a black dude ever told me: He asked, "Why can't Stevie Wonder read?" and before I could answer he said "Because he's black." lolz.

I love racism, so lets all racism together. The more we accept how different we are, make jokes about it and not take it too personal, the better chance we have to heal. I'd take a bullet for many men I know of various races. I know for a fact we can all get along. We are the "Tomorrow People!" Love is humor, Love is understanding, Love is acceptance, and Love is making fun of your closest road dogs knowing they won't be butt hurt but come back with a similar joke and in the end it's truthful laughs. That's how we are gonna beat this hate(not the racism, that's funny) but the hate is the problem. Once we realize we are all vulnerable to being made fun of, we can deal with it and learn to love our life by playing the dozens.

Oh and one more thing. I didn't touch on "Homosexuals" too much because I saw where Tracy Morgan got beat the fuck down by the Gay Community a few weeks ago. I have no problem with gays. I admit, I don't understand how a man can be gay and want to be with another, smelly, hairy, guy with a dick(I can see why women are gay though), but I do understand Love, and people can't help who they fall in love with. I will just say that when someone says something remotely negative about gay people, they shouldn't be blacklisted for it. And they also shouldn't be called "Homophobic!" A phobia means you're scared of something. Most people that don't tolerate gay people aren't scared of them, they just don't like them. They may be "Snake-a-phobic", "Hydrophobic" or "Arachnophobic" but I wouldn't call them "homophobic" call them "Homo-hater-ic" or something. That makes way more sense.

Oh but a good time to be "homophobic" would be if you ever got confronted by Omar from the wire. That's a scary ass gay dude. 

Thanks for reading once again. I know this is a little more real than most of y'all are accustomed to, coming from me.....but if we keep it real with ourselves and judge others for the right reasons, your life will be a lot more prosperous. It's 2011. It's time for us to realize we are all in the same boat for the most part. So lets make it right this year. Make a new friend that's a different race, get in cool with them. Then start cracking on them. This is the answer!